viernes, 9 de enero de 2015

That Sucks

How are you beautiful people? How was the first day of school? Everything alright? 

Yesterday was the first day of school. When I first woke up I felt like something bad it was going to happen. It was just a feeling. I usually don't sleep really well at nights so I thought I was tired and that was the reason why I felt that way. 

The day was going all right. I talked with my friends, that I hadn't seen since the Christmas Break started and stuff.

School was over and I went home. I thought the worst part was over but...

Then I just opened my bestie on Whatsapp because today it's her birthday and I wanted to go to celebrate with her going to a dinner with her boyfriend and her cousin. And she told me that she didn't wanted to go out and celebrate it, she wanted to stay home with her mother and obviously her boyfriend. 

I completely understand that she just wants to be at home and calm but lately she has been ignoring me. She says she's my best friend but we hadn't meet at Christmas Break and it's not the first time that she prefers her boyfriend over me.

On September, she and her boyfriend broke up (they came back together 3 weeks later) and she passed through a really hard time for her and all I know is that I did my best to try to calm her down and make her feel better. When they come back she started feeling better and I was happy for her.

I'm not jealous or anything but she knows that 2014 was not the best year for me. I started to having anxiety, panic attacks (and I still don't know what to do with that). And now she's pushing me away, which by the way not helps at all. The emptiness that I have been feeling inside me for 3 years now, is growing. And she's not helping me. 

What can I do? I don't want to forgive her without her apologize, but the problem is that she never says sorry but on the other side I'm afraid she won't.

Sorry for bothering you with my problems. Next post will be funnier I swear it.

PS: This is a mash up/cover that I've been listening lately.